Seme and Uke
by Simple-Minded Idiot
Summary: Naruto likes to point out that Sasuke has “uke” in his name. Sasuke doesn't care. Naruto likes to point out that Sasuke looks more like an uke. Sasuke still doesn't care. In the end, who really is the uke? [A not what you think fic...?]


Dedicated to **redstrawberrychan**. This is actually an apology fic for taking far too long (at least I think that I have taken far too long) in betaing "_Her Name Was Grunhilda_."

It's the present tense shtick. Not that it's funny because of the present tense. I was just trying out some new things. And I do think that it's been ages since I last posted something. Or maybe that's just me.

* * *

The reality of it all is quite funny, really. Anybody – and that would mean _every_body in Konoha or Suna (the two hidden ninja villages seem quite close nowadays) or perhaps even every damn ninja out there – who has taken the time to look at the situation clearly will appreciate and notice the humor in that one easily. So easily that it seems natural. Of course, the only one who fails to see the ha-ha-funniness in that one is the one who ends up being wrong in all of his assumptions and his efforts and his side of the bickering, which has been one-sided from the beginning, all ending up in vain. 

It all begins with two infamous individuals, namely, Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto.

If you haven't noticed yet, which is quite alright because the descriptions given are quite vague, the one who has ended up being the butt of this whole joke, at least that's what he seems to think so, is Naruto. Then again, it's almost always Naruto who gets the receiving end of such jokes.

See, here's the thing, Naruto thinks that he's seme. He's certainly more than qualified to be one. Hell, everyone already _thinks_ that he's the seme.

And whose seme is he? Sasuke's.

Sasuke is made to be uke. At least that's what Naruto says all the time. Sasuke is certainly built to be uke, not to mention all of his angst is uke-worthy, too.

Sasuke has bluish-black hair which looks styled. Everyone seems to think so. Hair like that just isn't normal and that will be saying a lot since ninja hairstyles are outrageous enough. So, you must be asking right now _why_ in the world Sasuke's hair isn't normal in the least bit? It's because his hair doesn't stick out in only _one_ direction. The hair at his front points downwards whilst the hair at his back sticks out to the right.

His hair is uke hair. Is styled and is made with love. Not to mention the fact that there is a slight dispute over _what_ the color of his hair really is. There is almost always confusion when it comes to the hair colors of ukes. Or perhaps that is just Naruto making some shit up in order to have something to back-up his claim of being seme. Oh, well, everyone seems to buy it anyway.

Sasuke also has dark gray eyes. Naruto likes to point out that those are soulful, melancholic eyes. Those are eyes made for angsting and, perhaps, even doing large, tearful puppy dog eyes. Not that Sasuke _will_ ever do that sort of expression. It just isn't Uchiha-like. Of course, at that moment, Naruto is avoiding the fact that there aren't any more Uchihas so Uchiha Rules just aren't applicable anymore. Stating that will have made Sasuke go into even-more-depressed mode or, worse, into his avenger mode.

Even though there aren't any more murderous brothers that went by the name Itachi, Sasuke is still quite touchy over the whole Uchiha Massacre. Well, anyone will have. After all, it isn't the easiest thing in the world to just _get over_ the fact that your older brother, who happens to be someone you looked up to very much back then, has killed every single one of your relatives.

Naruto also likes to point out that Sasuke also has nice, uke-like lips. Over the years, Sasuke's lips have become more enticing than ever. They are now of a light pink color and despite looking a bit too thin and all, they are still rather... er... soft, smooth, cool, and nice to touch. Or nice to kiss.

And, of course, it has been written in the stars that Sasuke is to be uke. After all, it is in his name. Of course, at this point, Naruto doesn't pay heed to the proper syllabification of it all. He's just plain desperate. It's quite obvious that he doesn't think that he's desperate. Being desperate means that he was unsure of his seme-ness. Which is uncool. Because ukes like Sasuke just don't go for insecure semes.

Naruto doesn't equal any image of uke-ness at all.

For starters, he's taller than Sasuke – taller than most of the males in Rookie Nine, too – and tanner, too. He's also buffer. He is definitely seme material. Since when are beach boys, not that he actually _knows_ what beach boys are, uke material? Since never, that's when!

And, usually, those who are designated the uke role in the relationship are the ones chased by the girls because it's more than often the hot muffin studs – it is obvious that Naruto is already hungry at this point and ramen just doesn't belong in that phrase; mind you, Naruto also has a bit of knowledge when it comes to wording – who turn out to get the submissive position in homosexual relationships.

Naruto isn't uke at all. Not at all. He will definitely sock – at this point, he becomes rather... confused; what are socks? – or clobber anyone who can _dare_ think he was the uke in his and Sasuke's relationship.

No offense to Uchiha, of course. It is just that... Naruto doesn't want to be uke. Isn't made to be uke. He doesn't fit at all those early morning naked apron fetishes or those tiny French maid outfit with the lacy panties or thongs images. Not at all. If there is anyone who fit those descriptions and manages to look drop-dead gorgeous, it will be Sasuke. Sasuke with his naturally uke hair and body and face and _everything_.

Naruto honestly thinks that everything Sasuke stands up for and represents screams uke.

When he tells this to Sasuke just for the sake of telling who pwns who in the bedroom scene, Sasuke looks at him, seemingly uncaring. Perhaps he really doesn't care. Naruto just sees this as a form of absolute submission to the truth.

Sasuke just doesn't really care. Naruto really is the only one who is spazzing over who should fuck who. Sasuke sees this worry of Naruto as something idiotic. Naruto is an idiot so it is only natural for things to be like that. Hell, that _is_ how things are supposed to be.

The truth is that Sasuke already knows the answer to the whole thing. He just doesn't give a damn because he already knows what the outcome will be. How and why does he know? Because he's Sasuke and he doesn't give shit about what someone looks or acts like.

It is around two months later when Naruto slaps everyone in the face with the truth. A limping Naruto at that. Not to mention there is also a seemingly uncaring Sasuke walking beside the limping Naruto. A small smug smirk can be seen on his face. And nobody can blame anyone for laughing a few seconds after they fully drunk in the sight of the walking pair. Most probably because they are laughing, too. The irony of it all doesn't fail to reach them at all, it seems.

That person that has said that Naruto is the number one ninja when it comes to surprising people has obviously never met Sasuke before.

Perhaps this reality is one of the reasons why Naruto and Sasuke and their relationship are so famous. Naruto the uke-in-denial who looked like a seme and Sasuke the seme who owns Naruto inside and outside of the bedroom simply because he looks like an uke, too.

The villagers have never really grown tired of seeing the oddly... _proportioned_ two parade themselves around Konoha. This reality was just _that_ funny.

* * *

Why, yes, it's SasuNaru. I still do like NaruSasu even more. Though that would explain the NaruSasu bits in there that were pretty much misleading. But that's the whole point of the thing, really. 

Of course, I would like to thank anyone who came across this and actually read through it.

Comments will also be loved. I'd like to know how I did with present tense. I am currently angst-ridden over the fact that I have yet to come up with new ideas for something I have to do for school. I just know that there are some awkward wordings in there, so please don't hesitate to point them out.

**redstrawberrychan**, I'm really, really sorry if this turned out to be a bit of an idiotic piece...


End file.
